It's been a while

I used to update this blog.... Fairly regularly.

I've stopped for almost 2 years. I doubt anybody will read this but if they do; hows it going?


Part of me is OK with 'moving past' this blog. On one hand it's almost symbolic; as if this blog is a martyr in the very long and somewhat boring event that is 'Theo growing up'. On the other hand I miss that childish innocence. I looked back on a lot of my posts and they were.... Quite happy. Very innocent. I didn't care much of people's opinion and that was alright. I was me and I didn't need approval through anybody else.

As I reached high school, I started to care. I started to worry about what people would think of me based on what I did and thought. I was a very lost and scared boy in (what felt like) a world of adults. Responsibilities and insecurities piled high and wide and they seemed endless. I didn't know who I was and it was quite upsetting. However I doubted that I'd be special enough to be the only one who felt like this and I realized that fact too; feeling lost is a rite of passage into adulthood Id imagine. Most children (most likely) have this form of an "identity crises" before they reach adulthood.

Something else that was frightening for me to realize was that I forgot what it was like to be a happy child. I really didn't realize that my elementary and middle school days would end so quickly. I kept looking ahead and tried to stay focused on the tight-rope of life, trying not to teeter and fall off the edge, that I forgot the kid I used to be.

Diabetes hit. Along with it was: depression, anxiety, and a realization that I should be dead. Spooky shit man. I didn't like that either and it deterred me from taking a lot of chances I really should have taken. I missed out on a lot. That's ok though. It's how I learned.

So. Grade 12 senior year. I'm almost 18. I'm almost an adult. And you know what? I still have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. I'm still the same lost boy that wandered through middle school and high school. The only difference now is that I'm really big and old and scary looking. As I start to step into the big scary world of adulthood, I start to realize that I'm not afraid. I know who I am and I know that if I want to succeed I keep walking on that tightrope and I don't look back lest I fall. (Damn I should be Confucius or some shit. Just kidding I'm not that insightful, I'd be better named as "Confuse-us". Hahahaha)

When I walk through the halls and look into the faces of these grade nines, I see that reflection of a little boy named Theo who entered a new high school with no friends or social life and started anew. And if we're being honest, that guy lucked the fuck out. Like shit. I dunno how but that brat didn't end up dying stupidly or just deciding to punch people or be a dumbass in general. In fact he made out pretty damn good.

When I remember the aspirations I had as a young boy, I realize that I've met and exceeded them. I'm a reliable musician who has a bright future of music in front of him. I am 5"11 (and 3/4ths) and 175 pounds with a six pack and a jawline. I walk with my head up and a confident stride. I get (fairly) good grades. I'm not Stephen Hawking or Albert Einstein but I'm not a complete idiot. Most impressively though is that I finally have friends. They're not even hard to make. I have several social circles I am a part of. I feel welcome and accepted by my peers. In short, I am EVERYTHING little Theo wanted to be. Coming into my last year of grade school, I have finally found the one thing I was searching for.

To be a badass mofo. Think Robocop but riding a dinosaur while shooting lasers at Nazi's.

Just kidding haha. This is so cliche to say but I finally found who I am as a person. I became who I wanted to be. I am Theo and that's all that needs to be said.

So future Theo. If you feel lost or spooped or whatever, remember on this day, I said these words: "It's ok. you're ready. The world better prepare itself, cause I'm going to dive head first and I'm going to conquer it. I'm going to do what I want to do, and be what I want to be. I'm going to be Theo."